Too Cool for School

I am definitely not too cool for school. Right now I feel like venting and there is no one around to talk to. No one is going to read this, so why the heck not?

Well, I'm thirty-one years old and I don't think I have much of a future as far as a career goes. Right out of high school I worked at a video store. It was actually pretty fun working there. I got promoted as the Assistant Manager. I was shocked that I had performed so well. Well, that was what I thought anyway. I was getting paid $4.25 an hour. That is nothing compared to what the minimum wage is now. After I was promoted I think I got $4.50--what a joke? I take that back. It was golden when I was nineteen. I guess it all has to do with perspective.

I'm going to school and my current perspective is to finish getting my degree in graphic design. When I was a kid that's all I really wanted to be. Acting sounded fun, but I knew I never had the guts to get up on stage. I also thought I would rock out in a band, but that really never turned into anything. Am I sad? Heck no, but I've learned a lot.

When I was small, like four years old perhaps, I had this weird feeling that my life was doomed. I would play house, alone. I remember using a book as an iron and pretend-iron my clothes and blankets. I remember also feeling the need to hum a tune from a very sad place. I look back now and I wonder if things are the way they are because they are.

Growing up wasn't easy. Being a grown up now is not easy. I'm old. A lot of people my age have their careers going already. I'm feeling a little behind. After working at the video store, I worked as a legal secretary at two different places for a total of about eight years, maybe nine. So while I was getting fussy with the attorneys a lot of people my age were going to school.

I don't regret. I just wish. I wish things were different, but we all are responsible for ourselves. We move forward. We die. The world goes on. Repeat.

I also wonder how good things could have been. I wonder how bad things could have been. The only thing I can do is do what is right, right now. I can also look forward to the future and sort of make a path for myself to walk on.

I'm almost done getting my AA in Graphic Design. I've already received a Certificate in Illustration. If I don't die, I'll probably get my Certificate in Graphic Design soon, too. Then I have to find an internship somewhere so I can get a feel for what it's like to work. It should be a piece of cake being that I've already worked in an office setting before.

Well, we'll see how things turn out.

Love,
Janet