Just Venting

I've been using Facebook a little too much lately and am wondering if maybe I'm bordering on annoying. For a good long time I didn't even use it. I play Mafia Wars, Farmville, AND now Fishville--who knows what else by the end of this post. Now that I'm on Winter break I feel as though I've got a lot of time on my hands.

As most probably do at my age, I wonder how far I've come in life. Thanks to Facebook this has become more of a concern to me. I recently connected with a large amount of friends from high school. I doubt they even TRULY remember me--I was the weird, quiet girl in high school who was too shy to talk to. I have changed a lot since high school, but some things never change.

Most of the people I connected with are generally just about the same as they were before. It's weird. And most everybody still lives right here in the East Bay. I know I haven't changed. I haven't really done anything significant since high school and I'm not sure that whatever it is that is considered significant would be as great to anyone else as it is to me.

Some may say that I live a boring life. I wake up, make breakfast for my honey, make sure he's out the door on time for work, and then I play XBOX for a while, draw, whatever. So what? Am I not in charge of my own life. Am I wasting away? No--absolutely not and here's why:

I used to work for a very busy lawfirm in San Francisco. I was a legal secretary who went from a small sized lawfirm to a much bigger one with bigger lawsuits--so I was in for it. I worked there for over seven years. Seven years of my life. Seven years of my twenties. Seven years of Christmas parties. Seven years of alcohol--good alcohol. Seven years of stress. Seven years of late nights and fancy hotels. Seven years of day in and day out filing paperwork with the courts. Seven years of training new secretaries. Seven years of introducing new people. Seven years of dressing up cute for the big guys. All included but was not limited to meeting and greeting; ordering breakfasts, lunches, and dinners; making travel arrangements; answering phone calls; placing phone calls; typing; being sick; interacting with court officials and attorneys; drafts and final drafts; copying; ordering paper and supplies; waking up 4:00 a.m. for flights to LA; talking the talk; helping set up mediations and arbitrations . . . I can go on. Life shouldn't be so hard.

If there is one thing that I learned as a person, people have different levels of ability. I reached my limit and for all the times I exceeded it, it was either the greatest feeling or the worst feeling ever. Feelings of failure and crumbling confidence--not good. I am ready to live my life a different way that doesn't require a lot of stress. I know I'm probably jinxing myself by saying that, but whatever. If I end up having to go work for a lawfirm due to financial reasons, so be it. I am ready to do so. But for right now, I need to find out who I am. I'm picking up from where I left off with the added benefits of all that I learned in the seven years. I act as if those seven years were horrible, but they weren't. I did learn a lot from those seven years . . . and I think they've changed me.